Change can’t be stopped

Don’t you wish that it could sometimes? When life is going well and you are happy, don’t you wish there was a magic button you could push that would just freeze frame everything at that perfect moment?

Sadly, we can’t do that and we have to go with the flow, even when the flow isn’t something that we want.  I’ve been dealing with this a lot lately as JM and I have been managing our two sets of parents.

I wrote about Mom’s health issues and although she is doing better, it is clear to me that we aren’t going to go back to the way things were. We’ve made some changes that will hopefully be good ones. For example, I discovered that she hadn’t been taking her blood pressure medication for over a month. She insists that she had, but the pill boxes don’t lie. If there were six weeks worth of blood pressure pills where there should have been none, than clearly she wasn’t taking them.

We discovered this because at our doctor’s visit he put his foot down. She needed me to take over getting her pills ready and giving them to her. I had really not wanted to do that, because I felt she needed to have SOME sense of autonomy. But it was clear that in her current state it just wasn’t something she could handle. It took me a few days to come up with an argument I could present to her that wouldn’t be insulting. Finally, what worked was telling her how much JM WANTED to organize her pills because he loves organizing things. She accepted that and we took over.

As we were sorting things out we discovered that she not only had not been taking the BP meds, but she had been taking too much of something else (or else she was taking something entirely different that we haven’t identified). This could explain part of why she had been so unwell over the last month or so. She still insists she WAS taking that medication, but there is no way that can be true. That’s the cruelty of what is happening to her, and she is aware enough of herself to know it is happening.

Another problem she’s had has been getting up in the morning and suddenly feeling nauseated and bloated. Finally I tracked down what I believe is the cause of that: she gets up early and has orange juice and takes her pills then goes back to bed. I explained that taking that many pills on an empty stomach is making her sick. She insists that she’s always taken them that way, but I have convinced her that she needs to stop doing it. We’ll see.

JM’s parents are going through change as well. They have to leave their apartment in Paris after 40 years to move to Toulon. They are not only in denial as to what a move of this kind means, they don’t really want to go. So we have been helping, but now that Mom is in this new precarious health situation, that is more complicated. Our doctor doesn’t want me leaving her, and I can see that that would not be wise. No one else can really care for her the way that I can. So, another change will be JM having to go up to Paris on his own to help his folks. We hate being apart, but we have no choice.

Even in our village, things are changing. Our friend and plumber, Christian Drouin, told us this morning that he and his wife Nathalie are moving back to Normandy because of HIS aging parents. They are leaving business in the capable hands of their son, Vincent, but we’ll still miss them.

I try to embrace change and do when it is good. But I would like to leave all this bad change behind and, like an ostrich, bury my head in the sand of life.

Ciao for now,


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2 thoughts on “Change can’t be stopped

  1. Boy, life can sure get “interesting”!

    From the pessimist’s side of the room, however, at least you both still HAVE parents to turn your lives a-tizzy. AND all three appear to mostly still be “there” mentally. My dear husband and I have ONE parent remaining between the two of us, and she is mostly “not there” by now.

    Concentrate on the time you have with them, it will turn out to feel all too short. (I’m the “orphan” now, and boy do I regret all the time I might have spent with my mother (dad died when I was 13), and somehow or another, didn’t put myself out to do the necessary travel.)

    • At least I can say I have no regrets. I really think that JM and I have done as much for her since she’s been here as is humanly possible. In fact, I feel we’ve really reconnected in a way that we weren’t able to do when we lived in California.

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